Yes, You're Really That Stupid

Hooker Who Has Been Here Longer Than Me: "Where's your ice machine?"
Me: *dumbfounded* "Where it's always been."
Hooker: "Oh, I never knew that."


What the fuck are you on tonight?
My serious question to you, because I know you're on something, but holy fuck. The three signs in my lobby, plus your vast knowledge of the hotel (albeit, generally just the rooms...) forces me to conclude you're on something super special tonight.
Don't puke or die in my hallway please.

The End Is Coming.... We're All Fucked Now

So, tonight I came into work (Happy Mothers Day to all you mommies out there, be tee dubs) and noticed that  Tuesday, some 'E' chick is starting to work. I assumed they hired for Front Desk and not my job, because audits are shockingly hard to fill when bosses are picky about people.

Nope. Starting next Sunday (I can only assume her three shifts this week are regular human hours and not vampire hours like I work here) I'll have a full time trainee on my hands.

This will be both awesome and horrible. I've of course listed out the possible scenarios.

Awesome
-She's worked in the industry before
-She's been a night audit before (less training!)
- She's cool. And a badass.
-She's older than me, and therefore will likely last in this job. (Seriously, I have no idea why they hired me. I was way too young to work the desk alone with all the crazy bullshit that's happened here. I told my boss if they hired younger *and* and female that that chick would walk within three months)

Horrible
-Her personality could suck.
-I'd be trapped here with her for the remainder of my days.
-She could be an absolutely dense human being that makes me want to bang my head on the desk in frustration.
-She could be good at her job, but have a horrible work ethic and make questionable choices here. Aka fuck off from the desk for hours at a time and let the place burn down.

I'm hoping it's a balance of awesome and horrible. I don't expect a super cool badass to come in on Wednesday morning (first time I'll meet her) but I do expect some level of competence and knowledge. It'll be a bonus if she's done night audit, but if not, I hope my training style and her learning styles match up and we don't kill each other.

Month End quickly approaches, kids.

Happy Monday!

The Dirtiest Post Ever Full Of A LOT I Will Expand On. Later. Probably.

Okay, so, it's been an INSANE week.

Things I have legitimately said to people in the past... six nights.

"No, we aren't the hotel with the bodies. That was the other Travelodge"

"If you don't plan on doing your fucking job, you can throw your hat over here and I'll pretend to be the fucking boy for tonight."

"Ma'am, you need to muffle your sex. I can hear you from the lobby."

"We aren't in high school anymore. You don't have the power, bitch. Slam the door in my face again, or call me a cunt, and I will have those lovely boys in blue here to haul your disrespectful ass out of here" (said tonight. Such a great night)


"Listen, calm yo tits. Creepy guys with backpacks who are tweaking isn't anything new to us. I'm fine."

There was so much more.
So much and yet I can't fucking remember anything. Old age is hitting me pretty goddamn hard.

I'm working a lot, I barely sleep, I'm surprised I'm able to do laundry and I'm crabby enough that I'm only talking to a few people with nice tones. So if you're one of them (Jaclyn, Jen, ....boy who reads my blog sometimes and Skypes me more often than not that doesn't have a good nickname yet...) You know you're in that special place in my life.

I'm also bruised, and finding new scrapes/marks every hour. It's awesome.

Maybe tomorrow I'll write a blog that has some sort of flow to it. Or explain what the shit happened. Because, y'all, for once! I was not the fucking hotel with all the crazy shit. I know. I'm as shocked as you are.

I Was Trying To Come Up With A Witty Sex-Related Post For My 69th Post, But It Wrote Itself...

So, tonight and this week has been kind of retarded with it's level of fuckery. First there was real life stuff, signing up for the second half of the fast track program for ASL (which almost for sure gets my acceptance into the Deaf Studies/ASL Interpreting program, provided I don't fuck shit up too hardcore in July), then I had a wee panic attack about that, because, it's a huge life change and now it's happening TWO MONTHS EARLIER THAN PLANNED.

I'll let that sink in.

Okay.

I've also had some other shit, aka Bad News Bears, creeping up on me. So that's fun.
Last night was stupid and crazy because of the fucking French kids, who all deserved the broken nose that one of the girls got tonight* but we can't all be that lucky.

                   *and no, you assholes, before you even think it, I was not the one to punch her in the face. I wanted to, but I did not. I let the concrete of the pool area do that for me. It was fantastic. Bloody and horrible, but fantastic.

So, after the children finally went to bed, at TWO AM, because who needs more than 3 chaperones for over 40 kids? Clearly not this school, in case you were wondering. The kids are asleep, or at least in their fucking rooms, and I get the asshole who is on probation and the cops have asked me to call and report if I actually see anything going on, guess what he goes and does?

He does a deal. IN FRONT OF MY WINDOW. The caps lock is painful, and I'm sorry, but I don't have a rage font here yet. I mean, my brain almost exploded at the level of fuckery that went on in front of me. And then they mocked me and tried to talk to me through the very thick window. When they mooned me, and I was scarred for life, I picked up the phone and dialed the number I have memorized for the local cops.

Who waited 20 minutes, so they could all clear out, and did nothing in the end. Because they're super fucking handy like that.

To top off my night, I got a call from the hot hotel guy next door (he's in my age range, too, which is nice for a change. No Daddy jokes here, kids. Shit. I'm really tired. I'm sorry, 5 people who read my blog...)
Anywhore. Jimbo called to tell me that he just spent twenty minutes clearing all the escort flyers off the people's cars in his parking lot, and he figured they bombed me too.

I go and check, and yes. Yes they did.

The part you can't probably see is the WE COME TO YOU. Yeah. There are too many jokes here, I'm not sure where to begin.

So now it's 6am, I have a bag full of escort flyers and no desire to handle the situation. Next door (both of them) called the escort service and 'very sternly told them to never do it again' and I laughed at both of the hotels I'm inbetween.

What the fuck does an escort service care about some goddamn hotel workers getting their panties in a knot?
I'm more than likely going to call the police. Because it's private property they trespassed on, it was snowing outside and I put my flip flops on to deal with it (I was/am wearing heels. Fuck walking around the entire building in heels, y'all.) and because I'm in a bitchy mood. I'm just wondering if they'll do anything about it?

Who knows.

But it's my 'Friday' from the hotel and I have 3 nights off here before the fuckery of a long ass week begins, and I have ice cream to serve to people tonight. Exciting times.
And it's my 69th post! Which, being as mature as I am, obviously means nothing.

*cough*


TWO DAYS LATER: Blogger decides to not post this. What the fuck, Blogger?
I hate you already.

Blogger Fucks With My Shit. So Does Snow

So I need to figure out how to play nice with Blogger again, since I see shit has changed. This could result in me fucking with the actual blog itself, but, I figure that's okay. I get to control this bitch, right? Right.

I'm typing this while shivering and looking outside, because someone turned the Air Conditioning on again. Not that bad, you say? I beg to differ.

It's snowing like a motherfucking asshole out there. I was wholly unprepared for such an event this time of year, lulled into a false sense of comfort that spring was arriving.

Because of the bad weather, I got hit with a bunch of ragged travellers, which is always nice for business.
I also got hit with a bunch of needy whiny demanding asshats.

First guy was insanely slow about getting all of the information I need to check him in/make a reservation. At one point when trying to dig out his credit card, he asked if he could just read it to me.
               Um, no. No you cannot. I need to physically touch what I'm charging and see that it matches the name on the drivers license you take twenty hours to get to me. This is standard shit, people. Drivers license and credit card. Or Health Card and credit card. Or cash, if you're a ghetto hotel like mine that sometimes willingly checks in the whores and dealers.

I then checked in three more people who told me all about their life stories and why they were travelling so late at night (it was maybe 2am by the time the last person straggled in. Late wasn't even in my vocabulary yet). Overall the past week and a bit has been decent work wise. No more insane drug busts, or bitches acting so crazy I lose my mind.

I also found out I have a three day weekend coming up, but then I'm working 11 days straight, with a couple double days of both jobs. It should be interesting...

I'm done at the hotel June 28th. Moving early July and that should be a whole other adventure.
I might have to change the name of my blog! Can you do that?

My Hotel Is Actively Trying To Kill Me

I'm not even kidding.

Last night the weather was intense and crazy and I didn't realise until my car almost blew off the road that it was a smidge on the windy side.

Turns out last night it was windy enough to rip off siding on my hotel.
And try to kill me.

I was out doing rounds and had been warned that some siding had apparently ripped off, but the restaurant guy (who lives in the hotel, coincidentally) had picked it up and put it by the side of the building. Well, more had ripped off and I was picking it up and another slice ripped off. That shit is loud, and it was falling from the sky. Ridiculous.

I obviously tried to catch it, failed because the windy is a tricky bitch, and had to walk an extra twenty feet to grab the siding before I went back inside.

It's been a fairly eventful week, but nothing truly exciting is there to report. I'm waiting, impatiently, for word back on when I have to leave for school if I'm accepted, and busy studying the signs that were practiced in class last week.

SPEAKING OF WHICH.
OH MY GOD.

This is mainly for anyone who watches Sons of Anarchy.
I'm taking classes with Chucky.
I shit you not. I'm going to ask him this Thursday if I can take a picture, but I swear to god, the actor who plays Chucky (Michael O....something, I fail and am too lazy to imdb it) has a twin here in Canada.
I love him. Would possibly have his babies.

That's all the excitement I have for now.

Yes, I Wear Different Patterned/Coloured Socks While Telling You To STFU. What Of It?

So, I haven't died.
Instead I'm plowing through life like a crazy person and working towards getting shit organized and ready for me moving. I'm working with the theory that I'm going to get accepted into NSCC for Deaf Studies and I need to find ways to fund this and get everything ready.

So I got a second job.
Which isn't a big deal, I've done two (fuck, three jobs) before. And I don't really need training for this one, it's my old high school gig at Dairy Queen.

What IS a big deal is in the span of 43 hours I will have had a twenty minute nap. I am going to try my fucking hardest to nap when I get home in an hour, but, I likely won't, and instead will try to wake up more for my 6 hour shift. 21.5 hours of work in 43 hours is ridiculous. Even by my standards, especially on no sleep.

Two people have legitimately suggested crack or meth to me.
I find it both awesome and sad that they don't believe in my awesome.


Anywhore. The whole point of this was to assure anyone who didn't stalk my twitter (I will say that I fucking squealed like a girly girl when Jen followed me today. Just like I did when Noa followed me. I'm waiting for Jaclyn to get a fucking twitter. Or make me aware of it. Get on that.)

my twitter, I suppose, if y'all wanted to follow? is @jessamaca123
because I'm creative like that.


I had to yell at a couple of whore rooms tonight and one of the guys commented on my socks. Tonight one is bright yellow with black squares, and the other is bright blue with a multicoloured argyle type pattern. It's fantastic.

I have also called one of the stuffiest, and rudest construction guys a judgemental bastard, and I have called the creepy kid a fetus. To his and his co-workers face.
I'm hoping this kid learns how to back the fuck up.
My car isn't opposed to protecting me.

I hope y'all are having a fantastic day/week/month/year.
much love.